We typically do not think of divorce when we think of marriage. No one wants to separate parents from their kids, close families, friends, and homes. Divorce is a traumatic experience that can leave people with scars. It can also leave you with some crucial life lessons.
1. You never know how a situation will end up, and you deserve grace
In marriage, no one knows the full outcome in the end. Most couples start marriage happy, with a job, lovely home, and kids. It is hard to shake the feeling that you should have been more prepared in such a situation. When we enter relationships, we don’t always think about the breakup. And that is one of the things that one learns during a divorce. You don’t always see it coming. Be easy on yourself and give yourself grace when things don’t end up going the way you planned.
2. Make sure you discuss your finances with your partner
After separations, it is clear that many people have no plan, and were never financially independent from the start. The first years are the most difficult. You start over financially and emotionally. It is wise to discuss finances with your partner and be involved in decisions relating to your new relationship.
It is not wise to leave all financial or any other decisions to one partner. Even if one of you makes more money, or is more practiced at making decisions. If you’re not involved during the relationship, it can become a problem in dividing the assets during a divorce.
3. A big part of navigating life is understanding your own mental health needs
We all experience psychological trauma. Those of us who have experienced divorce may know it is common, and it is something to navigate and grow from. It is important to know that divorce is not the end of everything. Surround yourself with the right people. Do not shut yourself off. You are always deserving of help and support.
4. Let go of things that are not in your control
It is important to note that not everything will go as planned. Some things are just out of your control. You cannot force someone to love you or stay with you. Let go of things you cannot control. You should try and find consolation through what grounds you, or by spending time with family, tacking nature trips, group meetings that strengthen you to face the new world differently and confidently.
5. Do not play the victim or blame someone else
Often, people do not like to take responsibility for their actions and mistakes that they have also made. This is common in divorce. It is easy to blame the other person. To grow and move on, accept that you are not perfect and made mistakes in your marriage. Reflecting and taking ownership will help in the recovery process. You can also learn how to not make such mistakes again in the future.
6. Do not accept being mistreated
Staying together is rarely worth being harmed for any reason. If the relationship is not going as planned, speak out and let the other person know how you feel. Do not let the other person mistreat your kindness and generosity. A relationship is a two-way journey.
You cannot meet the other person’s needs if they are mistreating you. Do not rely on the other person for your happiness. It is essential that you find someone who loves and values you for you.
Divorce teaches invaluable lessons. One of the biggest strengths we can develop for ourselves is to simply speak our minds. Simply communicating can help you better understand your needs and values in marriage. Then, always stand up for yourself, not only financially, but in all areas of life. You can always take ownership of mistakes and be financially involved with your partner. Also, it’s helpful to ask for help from family law specialists. They help couples during and after the separation so that you can move on and start another life.