Gail Crowder is a certified sexologist, marriage, and life coach. She is a force of nature that helps women strengthen their relationships when they’re on the verge of breaking. Gail has been through what seems like a lifetime of careers before she landed in her current position—a coach who guides love in others.
From the get-go, this entrepreneur has been through her fair share of challenges. Gail knows how to start small. She knows what it’s like to think you won’t be able to get it together, especially when comparing yourself to others. And during our interview, she taught me a simple step – start by just saying whatever you’re thinking, maybe whatever’s bothering you, out loud.
Hosting speaking events, publishing books, and curating the Bringing Sexy Back conference, Gail has poured herself into helping women in their relationships and offers many avenues for women to find what’s right for them!
Tell us a little about yourself.
I come from San Antonio, Texas, in a single-family home where my mom was the sole provider. I did not see healthy strong relationships. What I saw were women who were very strong and raised me believing that I could be absolutely anything. At age 21, I was running my own retail store. I had my own house, I had my own car. So when I married my husband at age 21, I was basically like what can you do for me? I knew my husband for 6 months and I’ve been married 32 years. We have two sons and we just adopted two little girls three years ago.
I’ve been certified as a marriage and life coach. I’ve been working in the space of helping women with intimacy, love, and amazing sex for fifteen years.
How did you get to where you are today?
What got me into marriage work happened when I went to lunch at a networking event with 3 of my girlfriends, who are all business owners.
All of us had been married for various years. As friends, we would talk about how our husbands would get on our nerves, but we never really talked about sex and how you age, and all the different kinda things that go on in a marriage. Then my girlfriend just blurted out, how come all my husband wants to do is to have sex?
That started a conversation that literally lasted eight hours about all the things that you think in your head but you never voice to someone else because you think you’re the only one. Why do men look at pornography, go to strip clubs, commit adultery, spend money on stupid stuff? All these things that we think about but don’t share.
What is Your Typical Day Like?
I get up every single morning at 4 am and I pray and meditate. Then I’ll check emails from 5 to 6 am. I go for a 2-mile walk by myself to stay healthy and clear my head. I come back and get dressed, eat breakfast, and start my day at 9 am with my coaching. At 5, I’m off and I cook dinner for the family Monday through Thursday.
I date my husband every single Friday no matter where I am in the world, especially with technology. I’ve been dating my husband for the last 20 years. I still dress up. Nobody calls me after 6 because people know I’m dating my husband. And we have had some of the most creative dates during COVID-19. I have an SUV truck, so this past Friday we opened the trunk of the car, got takeout from Longhorn, turned up the music, and ate in the back of my truck.
What is the most important thing to you right now?
Family, health, and wellness. There was a time in my career where I was saving and fixing everybody else’s marriages and families. But, I wasn’t nurturing the people right here in my own household.
I had to realize that in order for me to be the best person, the best life coach, the best sexologist, I needed to make sure that my house was well. It was that I was not giving them the quality time that they deserved because I was pouring into everybody else. I don’t ever want my family to get the leftovers of me. I want them to get the best of me.
That’s why I had to really create a work/life balance because I would be coaching people till 9 or 10 at night. Then, I was too tired once I got to bed. I’m telling people “go have amazing sex,” yet I’m too tired. Money isn’t the most important thing. When people quit calling me and I quit speaking and teaching and traveling, when I stop all that and come home, I want the people to still love me the way that I love them.
What has been the biggest challenge you’ve overcome to get you to where you are today?
Visibility. Letting people know what I do. Letting people understand what I do. There’s not a lot of African American women in this space, especially when you add the Christian aspect of it. Word of mouth has helped the most with visibility. I’ve had some amazing opportunities. I’ve been on CNN, Good Morning Washington, Fox News, radio and TV. And it all just happened. Somebody just heard me speak or teach and wanted to talk to me.
What inspires you?
Life. The essence of life inspires me every single day. To know that I get up, and I’m in my right mind, and I get another opportunity to change someone else’s life.
You gotta start small. I used to be one of those people who struggled. I used to watch these people who go to church and thought I just can’t get it together like that. One lady told me something that changed my life. Prayer is just a conversation with God. He already knows what you’re thinking. Just say it out loud. And so for me that’s why I say life inspires me. Because every single day I get a chance to live life. I get a chance to inspire someone else’s life.
What are three pieces of advice you would give to women about following their dreams and passions?
The first thing is to have a game plan. Know that you’re good enough. Study your craft.