Choose You: Self-Love, Hope, and the Power to Move Forward

Need a lift? Sometimes emotional exhaustion, the pressure to keep it all together, and the truth that you can’t carry everything alone can make life feel overwhelming. We tell ourselves to push through, survive the week, keep up the relentless pace we’ve accepted, and ignore those nudges asking for our attention. What might happen if you chose a different path?

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Your Invitation

I’m feeling it, and I’m hearing that many of you are feeling it too. Whether you’re navigating career changes, relationship challenges, or simply life is life-ing, it can feel like a lot. Psychology suggests that when women experience ongoing stress and uncertainty, our bodies can become stuck in survival mode—alert, tense, and exhausted, always bracing for what might go wrong next. Even in calm moments, our minds may struggle to relax. It’s not because we’re overreacting; it’s because our nervous systems have forgotten what safety feels like.

In the article, The Nervous System of Self-Abandonment: How we Learn to Leave Ourselves & How We Return, the author explains that this often happens without us realizing it. We care for others, put our own feelings aside to keep others comfortable, and do whatever it takes to keep life moving. But beneath the surface, something deeper is happening:

We say yes to activities when our bodies need rest.
We explain ourselves more than necessary.
We delay our needs until they feel optional.
We move through discomfort without fully acknowledging it.
We struggle to name what we truly want until much later—if ever.

Does this sound familiar? Consider this your invitation to choose a new way —one grounded in self-love, hope, and empowerment.

Becoming Your Best Self

Self-love means valuing your own well-being and happiness. Say it with me: I am willing to invest the same time and energy in my relationship with myself that I give to others. Let’s go!

A question on my social media feed stopped me mid-scroll: What makes you outrageously happy? Not just happy—outrageously happy. It was fun to think about the people and experiences that fit that description, and to ask myself whether I am truly making time for them. It feels like a joyful new mission.

I’m a fan of reiki. Over the years, I’ve found that simply placing a hand on my heart chakra helps me feel calmer and more grounded. Whether I’m setting an intention before getting out of bed, slowing my breath when I feel anxious, or reconnecting with myself, this practice helps center me.

While I appreciate thoughtful journal prompts, such as the above-mentioned “What makes you outrageously happy?”, free-form journaling was recommended by a friend and has been a recent game changer for me. I use it to release the thoughts I do not want to say out loud or worry others might judge. Getting them onto the page creates more space in my mind and heart.

I started using a gratitude app to build consistent practice that lowers stress and deepens fulfillment. Sharing my gratitude with others has also strengthened my connections.

Hope Is a Strategy

Journalist and writer Maria Shriver says, “Fierce hope got you here, and fierce hope will carry you forward.” While optimism is the belief that the future will be better, hope is the belief “that we have the power to make it so,” according to Chan Hellman, director of The Hope Research Center at the University of Oklahoma. He also calls hope “one of the strongest predictors of well-being.” Hope can support the immune system, aid recovery from illness, and may even influence physical growth.

In the workplace, hope has evolved from a soft skill to a proven business strategy. Some even argue that when organizations measure burnout, they are really measuring the absence of hope. To build sustainable success, businesses need to understand the connection between hope and employee well-being.

When hope is present, absenteeism and turnover decrease, engagement and motivation increase, and employees feel connected to a larger purpose. Leaders can foster hope by:

• Communicating transparently
• Providing clear plans and goals to reduce uncertainty
• Making well-being part of business metrics
• Recognizing signs of strain before people reach a breaking point
• Sharing a vision that inspires belief and action
• Supporting professional development

Rick Snyder, a professor at the University of Kansas, introduced hope theory in The Psychology of Hope: You Can Get There from Here and continued refining it throughout the 2000s. His work shows that a positive outlook can be strengthened through concrete planning.

The article, How to Find Hope in Difficult Times, summarizes his theory:

1. Define one meaningful goal.

Focus on one meaningful goal for this season—not a five-year vision. Direction builds hope. Choose a goal that is specific, measurable, and realistically within reach, then break it into small, doable steps.

2. List possible pathways.

Identify two or three realistic ways to move forward. Having options restores a sense of control. Write down the steps you can take to reach your goal.

3. Notice your agency.

Remind yourself of times you’ve succeeded before. Confidence grows when you recognize your ability to act. When you hit a barrier, use that agency to adjust and find another path.

4. Lean into connection.

Talk to someone who sees your strengths and share your goals. Two engaged minds can find more pathways than one. Celebrate small wins along the way to build energy and stay motivated.

Work your plan—and then, in the words of Supergirl, “Watch out, Universe!”

Reclaim Your Power

Many of my clients feel stuck and unsure how to move forward. So how do you begin?

• Practice positive gossip — Instead of feeding rumors, share kind words, celebrate people’s wins, and speak well of others when they are not in the room. It builds trust and strengthens community.
• Focus on the present — Shift your energy away from an uncertain future and toward what you can manage right now.
• Give yourself a boost — Prioritize sleep, nourishing food, and movement.
• Be kind on purpose — Kindness creates the emotional and social foundation for intentional choices, meaningful goals, and action. It helps shift you from helplessness to activity and reminds you that your actions matter.
• Schedule fun — We often treat fun as optional. What if you put it on your calendar and treated it like a priority?

Focus on the Good (and the Good Gets Better)

Try an information diet by being selective about how much and what you consume from the news, entertainment, and social media to reduce your exposure to constant crisis and make more room for what is good, hopeful, and human. Here are a few things I’ve been enjoying lately:

• One goal I set this year was to read more for fun. I’m currently reading Theo of Golden. The main character, Theo, is full of hope and shows love through kindness and generosity.
• The Today show’s Morning Boost shares uplifting stories to start the day. From surprise homecomings to acts of generosity and unlikely friendships, it’s an easy dose of encouragement. I also love The Dogist videos for a little extra joy and cute pups.
• One of my favorite songs is “Lift Me Up” by Blessing Offor. Its message is a reminder that “When the world gets cold and it’s all too much, sometimes I need somebody to remind me what I’m made of”.
• Project Hail Mary is a story about hope, leaps of faith, and empathy—and who wouldn’t want a friend like Rocky?

I’ve recently been rewatching the television show Grey’s Anatomy. In one iconic scene, Meredith Grey appeals to Derek Shepherd: “Pick me. Choose me. Love me.” It’s time to turn that message inward. Offer yourself that same fierce love and commitment. Choose you.

Debby Neely is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation who specializes in leadership coaching and facilitation. Her business, Neely Coaching & Training, supports both formal and informal leaders in realizing their potential and in getting results. Their mission is to help you be the best you can be.