Love hurts. In fact, it’s pretty common for relationship conflict to have physical side effects, let alone the emotional toll it takes. You might go through the best dating or hookup sites, take a chance, find a match, and be off to a great start. But a couple of dates later, you find yourself in an argument with your new love interest – and you feel downright sick over it. So, how can you get back to enjoying each other? Here are five strategies for resolving conflict with your loved one.
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Calm Your Anger First
Whether you are a calm person or not, conflict with a partner causes stress. In the worst cases, you can become both stressed and irritated. Usually, it becomes a challenge to approach your partner rationally when you are in an angry stupor.
Additionally, it is easier to say very hurtful things when you are stressed and angry. And words carry significant emotions; they can scar your partner if used wrongly. Therefore, walk away if you notice that you are in a conflict with your partner and get irritated.
Ask your partner to give you some space so you can calm down. During this time, reflect on the conflict with your partner and consider why you feel angry or hurt. Once you feel calm and your mind is clear about the conflict, you can take the next resolution step.
Focus On The Conflict With Partner
You will struggle with these strategies for resolving conflict with a partner unless you understand that “the problem is the problem.” This means that your perspective should always consider the problem as the intruder in your relationship.
For instance, if you cannot agree on whether you should spend your savings on buying a home, the problem is not you or your partner. By focusing on the problem, which, in this case, is spending the savings, it becomes easier to remain objective when dealing with conflict with a partner.
But please note that some physical or emotional abuse problems require you to focus the conflict on your partner. In essence, you and your partner should agree on putting your relationship above any conflict. And in such a case, respect should be prevalent in the relationship.
Express Yourself Directly
Of the strategies for resolving conflict, good communication is paramount. One of the biggest mistakes many people make in relationships is expecting their partners to read their minds. The truth is, your partner will not always know what you are thinking or what you want.
In the same way, they might not realize that something they said or did hurt you, and neither will you. Therefore, ensure you are direct when you address the conflict with your partner. Moreover, if you choose to remain silent when you are hurt, eventually, it will build up into resentment, which is an easy ticket to ending your relationship.
So address every hurt you feel directly but respectfully. It doesn’t matter how stupid you think the conflict with partner is, talk to your love and let them know how you feel. Besides, there is a high probability that such direct attitudes about conflict with partners strengthen the relationship.
Address Yourself, Not Your Partner
By and large, always consider that it is not what you say but how you say it that’s important when you are addressing conflict with a partner. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how stressed you are because of conflict with your partner; never address them.
Instead, address yourself by using “I.” For instance, you can tell your partner, “I was hurt when we didn’t go on our date on Friday because I felt ignored.” This will go better with your partner than telling them, “You hurt me when you stood me up on our date.”
When you use “you” instead of “I,” it makes your partner feel like you attack them. Remember, the focus should be on the conflict with your partner and not your partner. So express this by communicating how you feel because of their actions or words.
Part of being in a relationship is understanding that you and your partner have an equal stake in the relationship. Therefore, listen to them with no interruptions. Imagine how frustrating it feels when your partner keeps interrupting you or when they assume they know how you feel.
So offer your significant other the same courtesy you would like from them by really paying attention to what they have to say. This means practicing active listening when solving conflicts with a partner.
Besides, if you were hoping to discover how to avoid conflict with a partner easily, the answer lies in the secrets of active listening. So listen to your love interest.
Resolving conflict with a partner is not always a walk in the park. But with practice. You can get better at handling conflict. The key lies in controlling your anger and communicating with your love from a clear perspective.