The Art of Leaving People Better Than You Found Them

Where does inspiration come from? Sometimes it arrives when we are not looking for it—through nature, art, people, or quiet reflection. Recently, for me, it came from a book that stayed with me long after I finished it. Theo of Golden first caught my attention when a friend posted about it on social media, and soon I noticed more people talking about it. I wanted to understand what had resonated with so many readers so I moved it to the top of my book pile. It had been a long time since I finished a book with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face, but that is exactly what happened. It inspired me to keep striving to become a better person.

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The Power of Leadership (and being a good human)

The best leaders allow others to feel seen and heard. This book brings that idea to life. At our core, we all want respect, understanding, and a sense that we matter. When someone truly recognizes and listens to us, we feel less alone. That kind of presence creates psychological safety, strengthens relationships, and helps people move out of survival mode so they can show up more fully as themselves. It is a gift to both the person offering it and the person receiving it.

For me, the story succeeds because it makes familiar leadership advice feel human and memorable. Rather than presenting these ideas as abstract concepts, it shows how they come to life through everyday choices, conversations, and relationships. For example:

• A new client recently described the environment she wants to create for herself and her team. The common thread was curiosity. When practiced well, curiosity helps people feel valued because it shows we care enough to understand them more deeply and stay out of judgment.
• A colleague once reminded me, just before we facilitated a group for the first time, that people can form an initial impression of a stranger in as little as one-tenth of a second and often settle into a baseline judgment within 7 to 30 seconds. Our brains move quickly, and those snap judgments can shape what we notice next. Learning to look beyond surface traits—such as appearance, status, or first impressions—helps us see a person’s true character, intent, and reality. It means looking for talent, potential, and strengths, then doing something meaningful with what we see.
• Others can pull us away from our mission, whether they mean to or not. Purpose often begins with intention: slowing down enough to notice what matters, then choosing actions that align with it.
• One detail that stayed with me was the beauty of the setting and the main character’s deep appreciation for it. He made a point of noticing where he was and taking in what surrounded him, which seemed to bring him peace and renewal. Being still does not always mean sitting still. It can mean releasing the need to fix everything, letting go of worry, finding comfort in the present moment, and remembering that we do not have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders.
• Meeting people where they are creates psychological safety because it shows respect for their current reality instead of forcing them to meet our expectations first.
• Lend someone your belief in them until they can see it for themselves. Leaders often tell me they spend more time building confidence than developing competence in the people they lead.
• Energy is contagious. The way you show up affects not only the people you meet, but also the people they go on to influence. Over time, that ripple effect can help create a more optimistic, collaborative community that achieves more than expected.
• Not everyone will support you, and that is okay. Focus your energy on what you can control and where you can make a meaningful difference.

What imprint will you leave?

At the heart of the plot is one powerful question: What will be your true legacy?

Don’t get overwhelmed by the idea of legacy. A legacy is the lasting impact you leave through your values, actions, and relationships. It is personal, so there is no single right answer. What matters is choosing intentional, thoughtful actions that move you toward the impact you want to create.

Whether you are close to retirement or just starting out, reflecting on how you personally define success can give you a clearer path forward.

• What do you want to be known for?
• Which core values will be your North Star?
• What impact do you want to have on others?
• How will you influence your community? (mentorship, make it a better safer place, etc)
• Which special routines, celebrations, or family customs do you want to continue after you are gone?
• What do you want to make sure is not left unsaid?

After considering these questions, I asked myself: How do I bring that vision to life? 

Tell Them 

Vex King’s “Tell Them” theory reminds us to voice kindness, compliments, and appreciation instead of keeping them to ourselves. It encourages us to speak up because the world already has plenty of criticism and could use more gratitude. Here is an excerpt:

I’m convinced a Tell Them Theory would make the world a better place. Think the waiter was friendly? Tell them. Your friend looked good today? Tell them. Someone’s work inspired you? Tell them.

The world is loud with criticism and quiet with appreciation. Be the exception. It could make someone’s day. We save compliments for special occasions, but life is a special occasion…

Are you Mrs. Gidley?

My sister sent me a post that asked, are you Mrs. Gidley? Mrs. Gidley is a character from the book: an extremely efficient, fiercely protective secretary who can also be grumpy and strict about rules. If you want something done, give it to Mrs. Gidley—but don’t expect her to hide her skepticism or to not have her own opinion of the best way to do it.

My initial reaction was, “Of course I’m not Mrs. Gidley.” Then I paused. Am I? Have I built habits that keep me so busy and moving so fast that I miss the chance to be truly present? Do I take time to truly marvel at someone’s story? Am I so focused on my opinion that I miss the real objective of connecting with others and being kind? Do I take the opportunity to acknowledge and inspire? 

Something to think about…

Shine your Light

One of my favorite childhood songs is “This Little Light of Mine.” I still remember singing it with friends and loudly shouting “no!” when the song suggested hiding our lights under a bushel. It may sound simple, but we could all use the reminder to let our own light shine—and to help others feel brave enough to do the same.

Start Today

One message I often share with clients is that self-awareness is valuable, but it becomes powerful only when we do something with it.

I entered the elevator at the local hospital at the same time as an older gentleman. Normally, I would have looked at my phone or watched the numbers change as the elevator moved. Instead, I asked him how he was doing. We shared why we were both there and offered encouragement to each other. We kept talking as we left the building, sharing a brief moment of hope. I may never see him again, but I will remember it—and I hope he will too.

Start today. Tell someone what you appreciate. Ask one more question. Pause long enough to see the person in front of you. Small moments of recognition may not feel dramatic in the moment, but they are often the moments people carry with them.

Debby Neely is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation who specializes in leadership coaching and facilitation. Her business, Neely Coaching & Training, supports both formal and informal leaders in realizing their potential and in getting results. Their mission is to help you be the best you can be.