Should I Bring Him Home For The Holidays?

When Do You Bring Your Significant Other Home for The Holidays? Or Do You? 

I’m not gonna lie, I was single for a hot minute and haven’t brought anyone home for the holidays for some time. But now, being in a relationship again with the holidays coming up, that dreaded question has been lingering, do I bring them home?

I recently finished reading “Oh, Lords! Who We Date, Why We Date Them and Lessons Learned” which by the way is an insightful read and highly recommend even if you are in a relationship, written by Terresa Zimmerman and Jes Averhart, these two entrepreneurs open up about their past relationships and who they dated. Documenting the different archetypes of men and ultimately the lessons they learned, allowing us to reflect on our own past or current dating life and evaluate from within. So, I decided to reach out to both Terresa and Jes as well as Rachel R. Jackson Poole, a Licensed Therapist, Consultant and Family Counselor, to get some answers. Here is what they had to say on if should you spend holidays with your boyfriend:

So… Should you spend holidays with your boyfriend? Shouldn’t you?

Terresa: I was the girl that brought everyone home, to any event, holiday, formal, casual even vacations and trips. Not just home but to extended family parties. For me it was like, this person is important and fun for me at the moment and why wouldn’t I involve him in other things happening in my life. It doesn’t have to mean anything more than that…to me. I know others who would be horrified at that behavior and don’t think to bring someone home until they’re more permanent.

Jes: My take is the complete opposite. I never brought anyone home unless I thought they might be worth adding to my ‘emergency contact’ list! LOL. Of course when you date openly or have kids, you need a little discretion on the how many times mom gets to meet the boo or when your kid is sharing knock-knock jokes over pizza.

Expert Says:  Yes, you should. It allows you both to see the world view through the lens of your significant other.  Family dynamics are a big part of getting to know a person. Allowing your family to know who is “significant” to you is important to setting a ground level of respect and introductions. 

Will your ‘Mom’ overreact?

Terresa: Have you got a parent or parents (sibling, grandparent, etc) who are just dying to couple you up? Bringing someone home for a major holiday or event may not be in your interest unless ‘coupling’ is in fact in your plans. Bringing a date to this kind of event may just serve to dial up the pressure

Jes: Every parent has their own secret motivations in the parent v. date ‘meet cute’ so I wouldn’t put too much weight either way. Model what you want from the experience. If you’re low key, you’ll be more successful in bringing the energy down to a manageable level and your date will thank you.

Will your date misunderstand?

Terresa: Do you know if your date will take this kind of introduction in stride or read something into it that’s not intended? You better know before you go. Last thing you want is to think you’re just having another dinner together with family and all of a sudden the relationship has to be further defined. 
The net of it – Be clear that everyone involved is on the same page of expectation. Otherwise, invite your date for the turkey sandwich leftovers in a more casual situation.

Jes: Communication, communication, communication. Put your chips on the table before you bring your chips to the party. Nuff said…

Expert says: In the early stages of getting to know someone, it’s important to ask your partner about the holidays and what the traditions that they carry out with their family are. Engage how important it is to the family with them. As the relationship matures began to ask for the “plan” for the holidays or “how would you feel about attending a get-together with me”. Include things like “what is our plan” and “how would you see us sharing the holiday” Once you determine you have someone you value enough to introduce to your family. Ask them “how would you feel about going home with me for the holidays?” Ask with sincerity and openness to hearing the response. This should be a genuine and open conversation. 

A few more tips from expert Rachel on if you should spend the holidays with him

When wondering if you should spend the holidays with your boyfriend, make sure the relationship is clearly defined, this could be as “growing” “getting to know”, “friends”, or “couple”. Taking someone home for the Holidays can be horrific if the relationship lines aren’t clear. 

Nothing less than 3 months and your family should be aware that this person does exist. Avoid random and sudden introductions, and make sure the last break-up is clean and clear with the family too.