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You thought you’d had a nice date or two. It seemed like there was potential. But now the other person isn’t returning your calls or texts. Let’s be honest, being ghosted sucks. It’s a painful experience that leaves you with no closure and little to no hope for your next relationship.
But ghosting says a lot more about the other person than it does about you! Someone who is a “ghoster” has no sense of honest and open communication. Instead, they choose the easy way out – for themselves. They hide behind their technology like a turtle in their shell, refusing to show their face for fear of facing another person’s emotions. In other words, they are emotionally unavailable.
If you’re ready to regain your confidence and possibly start dating again, you’ll need some closure. Here are six things that might help!
You may also be interested in:
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Have the Last Word
You are entitled to do what you will in a situation as confusing as ghosting. If you feel like you need to get in a final word, do that! Reach out and express how that person made you feel. Rule of thumb: write out the top three things this person did before hitting send. In this scenario, know that they most likely won’t respond, since they clearly gave you an answer already, so be prepared for that and find other ways to seek closure on your own.
Journal Your Feelings
Brain dump your emotions onto a piece of paper to release your anger. The longer we hold onto these strong emotions, the longer it’s going to take us to move on. After you’ve finished, rip it up or burn it. Physical release helps us disconnect from the experience and cut ties.
Call Someone You Trust
Venting our experiences out loud is another way we can release our intense emotions. However, prior to dumping your problems onto them, tell them what you’re looking for. Do you want advice or simply a sounding board to listen to your vent sesh? Setting this clear boundary allows your loved ones to support you in the way you need versus having them telling you what they would do in that situation, which isn’t always helpful.
Make Yourself Happy
We often get caught up in the early stages of relationships, aka the honeymoon phase, because so much dopamine is being released during that period of time. We are intimate with one another constantly, super touchy feely, and are beginning to open up to someone new. To put it simply, it feels damn good. When that’s ripped away without explanation, we feel sad, confused, and lonely. Remember: you were happy BEFORE this person came into your life and you will continue to make yourself happy throughout your life. Tap into that.
Reconnect with Your Inner Pleasure
Remind yourself of all the things you love to do in your life. Dance, cook, try new restaurants with friends, explore your neighborhood, practice an instrument. Do all of that! When we refocus our energy on the things that bring us joy, we are quickly able to bounce back to our old selves.
Positive Self Talk
Talk to yourself in the mirror like you would talk to your best friend. It may feel weird at first to speak your positive affirmations out loud, but it truly works! Try repeating the same three lines every day until you truly believe them.
Most importantly, stop re-reading your text messages, looking at photos, and stalking them on social media. Delete and/or block if necessary, pull yourself off your phone, put on an outfit that makes you feel amazing, and remind yourself of how grateful you are for the people you do have in your life. There is no magic potion to get over a ghosting situation, but you will get back out there again in due time.
Liana Pavane is an event and podcast host, born and raised in New York City. She has previously written for Thrive Global, Elephant Journal, and Darling Magazine. Liana has been featured in Forbes, Thrillist, Time Out, and NY1 for her tech-free pop-up events in NYC, which are set to return this year!
Instagram: @lianacolada, @ghosts_ofdatespast, @ttylnyc