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Are you feeling lost? Stuck, lacking motivation, or aimless? Believe me, I get it! Several years ago, I left an organization I had worked with for almost thirty years. I felt comfortable, secure, and accomplished there. It was during a reorganization and although I chose to leave, for a time, I felt off-course. My life had taken an unexpected turn and I questioned everything. Then I really stepped out of my comfort zone and started my own business.
This article is sponsored by Neely Coaching & Training
From one girl boss to another, I have good news – you will find your way. Whether you have your own business, are leading in an organization, or embracing your inner girl boss in life, here are some tips to keep the momentum going:
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Repeat after me “I got this”
Looking back over transitions throughout my life, I noticed that my confidence took a hit each time. For me, this looked like feeling “not good enough,” doubting my skills, overthinking, not setting boundaries, and accepting less than I deserved. With my most recent transition, I recall winning a contract and then telling myself “Oh crap – now I have to do it”. I took too much time to make decisions because I was afraid of making a mistake. Even with others telling me that I had what it takes and I was doing well, I had to believe it myself. And so do you…
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Learn to stop and check in with yourself by asking: What is my head telling me? My heart? My gut? Then make a decision and take action. Know that if you make a mistake you will learn, recover, and be stronger for it.
List your “wins” for the week. (no matter how big or small) This will keep you motivated and provide reminders that you are doing well. We don’t always see what we are good at or the progress we are making so keep asking for and being open to observations from others.
Don’t go it alone
This doesn’t mean you have to be a social butterfly or confer with others on decisions, it’s more about feeling connected. You and your results will be better by asking for advice, listening to different perspectives, sharing resources, and offering and receiving encouragement. A word of caution here: Some people did not want to connect with me. There were others whose motives were not pure. Those are not your people. Keep putting yourself out there. You will find them.
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Consider what “community” means to you – Is it an extensive network of colleagues, a small circle of peers or mentors, or both? Is it connecting in group settings or one on one? How will you stay connected? It doesn’t have to look one way. You get to decide!
Identify your inner circle – who are those that you trust who will be both challengers and encouragers? That you can engage on a deeper level and show vulnerability? We all need those individuals who will celebrate with us, give us a kick in the butt (when needed), and tell us we are not crazy.
Know Your Value
What I didn’t realize is that knowing your value is not just about the fees you will charge or the salary you will negotiate. Your time and energy are valuable. Be intentional with how you spend it, who you offer it to, and what you are willing to give up for it. Don’t let anyone else define your worth or take two of your most valuable commodities without your permission.
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Identify your strengths and evaluate if you are leveraging them to achieve what you want to achieve. For those things you are not great at, who do you know that has strengths in those areas that you could collaborate with? Or pick their brain?
Define success for yourself as a whole person. Only you know what success looks like for you when it comes to your life. Reflecting on all areas of your life – career, relationships, health, personal development – what would make you feel the most fulfilled?
Consider what boundaries you need or want to put in place – write them down and check in to see how you are doing with them. It may take a while to instill habits and mindsets that honor your boundaries so stick with it. And be prepared for your boundaries to be tested by others.
Comparison is the thief of joy (and confidence)
First, comparing ourselves to others is quite common. I cannot tell you how much time I wasted on this. The monologue in my head sounded like – I wish I were like so-and-so… why don’t I know this like they do… how come I am so behind? I should be further along… their life seems great. Here’s what I realized – no one, and I mean no one, has it all figured out. From the outside, they are the duck gliding smoothly over the lake, and underneath the water, those little feet are paddling fast and furious. How do I know this? I talk to successful female leaders every day who tell me!
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Remember that rarely are you comparing similar situations. Everyone is struggling with something. Spending your time and energy on comparison may be holding you back from realizing your true potential. Focus on what you are instead of what you are not. Look for opportunities to celebrate others – it will shift your mindset away from competition and it will give you a positive mental boost.
Do you want to know a secret? Others are looking at you and seeing the duck gliding on the lake. Watch out for your harshest critic – yourself!
Find your power (and don’t let it go)
When I felt powerless were those times when I realized that I was focusing on things I did not have control of or could influence. The first thing is to notice, and then the next step is to take your power back.
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Do one thing. It doesn’t have to be big. It could even be asking for help. It will ignite your motivation and move you to the next thing to do. And then you’re moving forward! Ask yourself – is this in my control? What is in my control?
It might take time, but you’ll get there
I remember when I was a little girl taking gymnastics lessons and the first time my instructor asked me to do a cartwheel. It wasn’t perfect and it didn’t look pretty but I did it. Soon, I was doing cartwheels everywhere. You are not going to be perfect. You are going to make mistakes. Own it! (and you will be better for it).
Our Girl Boss Tips:
If there is something you want to improve, identify what it will look like to focus on it and be accountable for working on it. Ask yourself – what will I specifically do to make it better? How will it feel when I get better at it? What will tell me when I am getting better and how will I celebrate that progress?
You may not get the right solution for you at first – be willing to try things and if that doesn’t work, try something else.
Hit the pause button (more than once)
Pause is my word for this year. What it means to me is layered and broad. For me, it’s about not saying ‘yes’ out of obligation or fear. It’s being deliberate about making choices and remembering I do have choices even if I don’t like all of them. That doesn’t mean I won’t do the hard stuff, but I will be strategic and thoughtful.
Pause also means giving myself permission to rest and have fun. One evening I was scrolling through Facebook and a post by Sharyn Marsh (Leave Her Wild) caught my attention. She shared that monarch butterflies will not attempt to fly in the rain because the raindrops will damage their delicate wings. They will rest and wait it out. It’s self-preservation. She went on to say “it’s okay to rest during the storms in your life. Take all the time you need. You will fly again once the storm passes.”
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Rest and fun are key ingredients to being productive. Make time for both. Even if you need to schedule them on your calendar.
Pause before responding to requests so you have time to consider your choices and decide what you want (or don’t want) to do. Even if the person is standing in front of you, tell them you need to check your calendar or that you will get back to them.
Saying no can hold space for what’s really meant for you. Trust that the right person or opportunity will show up at the right time. Have faith and be ready.
Don’t let anyone take away your sparkle
Earlier in my career, I was selected to be a leadership development facilitator. I watched peers stand up in front of a group and be dynamic and charismatic. I couldn’t do that! I am an off-the-charts introvert. Believe me, I tried awkwardly to be like my new teammates. And then someone pulled me aside with this message – “We all have different gifts. Some participants will prefer your style and what you offer. Be you.” I recently had to remind myself of this lesson so I’m sharing to remind you too! We all sparkle in different ways and all are needed.
Another recent reminder came when I was co-hosting a podcast and one of our recent guests was a long-time friend and colleague. We both grew up in West Virginia and as she spoke about how that experience instilled pride in working hard, being helpful and kind, and leaving people better than she found them, I thought that’s the foundation of who I am too. That’s how I want to show up as a girlboss.
Our Girl Boss Tips:
Do an authenticity self-check: How would you describe your foundation and how does it show up? Are you honoring it? Would others say they see it? Write down those things or qualities that
you bring to the table that provides value. Ask others for their perspective and capture those too. Put it where you can see it. If you are feeling like you must be someone you are not, then reflect on where you are out of alignment.
A friend once told me that one day I’ll look back and realize how hard the past few years have been and just how well I did. I’m starting to feel that now. Although my journey is far from over and I don’t have it all figured out, I have found myself again. And that’s something for this girlboss to celebrate!
Debby Neely is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation who specializes in leadership coaching and facilitation. Her business, Neely Coaching & Training, supports both formal and informal leaders in realizing their potential and in getting results. Their mission is to help you be the best you can be.
Debby Neely
Debby Neely is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coach Federation who specializes in leadership coaching and facilitation. Her business, Neely Coaching & Training, supports both formal and informal leaders in realizing their potential and in getting results. Their mission is to help you be the best you can be.
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